I'm tired. Physically yes. bed soon, but more than that. I've felt this
for a while now...It's linked to a mild depressive state i know, but i
think it's more than that. I'm...tired. I want to go home...I want to
hold and be held. I hope to find things like this in my life, but it'll
never be the same as really being home and being held by the lover of my
soul. 60 or so years and counting...it looks so far away from this end
of life. I need to live now more. Love people when i can more. I'm here
to do that. A light in this world...but the world's really dark.
Like...really dark, and I'm a dim light...God can make me brighter. he
has. I love what he's done with me so far...not what i was expecting.
he's really a great artist and part of me believes that it's better to
be here for now...he's making something for Himself that he's gonna
really like and that's extremely cool but...i'm ready for him to put the
finishing touches on and take me home. ah well.
I was listening
to a song that says "you're beautiful. You are treasured you are sacred
you are his." I don't believe that. I don't feel beautiful or treasured
or sacred...but I've got to be. I believe so many lies...i'm fighting.
I'm tired of fighting...i'm crazy weak. I lose so often. God's strong.
That's what i need. But I'm really exhausted emotionally and
spiritually. have been for a while. Ah well, i know we struggle against
powers...i just don't like it. But it's good. i know it is. It's so good
I can't begin to talk about it unless you know how good it is too...and
then it's not words, it's just knowing that the other person knows how
good it is as well. so, i hope i remember how good life with God is
tomorrow...that'd make for a great day.
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